What to do?

If we can quickly identify when we or someone else is stuck in Victim Behavior, and know what to do to get beyond it, we can minimize the impact on ourselves and the organization. Let’ s look at how we can do that.

What is the process?

There is a natural process we all go though when we encounter the “cow patties” of life. Normally, whether in our business lives or in our personal lives, we go through the same three-step process:

Step 1: We ventilate to relieve the stress caused by the “cow patty”. It is upsetting. We whine and moan and groan about the issue.

One form of ventilation is “Externalizing”. We blame something or someone “out there” for the problem. We blame the economy, the management, the competition, the supervisor, etc. We hear words such as “they”, “them”, or “it”, in addition to blaming words. 

The other type of ventilating is “Internalizing”. Here we blame ourselves as if there were something we could have done to prevent the “cow patty”. We use words such as: If I just acted sooner, knew more, if I just did it differently….. We use works such as “I”, “me”, “my” ,plus blaming words. We even use a combination of internalizing and externalizing.

For example: “Management just changed the vacation policy. They are always doing something dumb like that. They never consider our feelings. How could they do that to me? If I had just used my vacation up when I had it, I wouldn’t be in this mess. Now I’m going to loose my vacation time. How could I have been so stupid? The world just never seems to treat me fairly.”

Step 2: At some point in time we realize that we have to do something. We personalize the issue by exploring the causes and the possible solutions that will resolve it. This is the problem solving part of the process. We take personal reasonability for doing something about the “cow patty”. In this phase we use words like “I” or “me” plus action words like “do”.

Moving to personalizing might sound like this: “Well, I guess I can’t change management or the policy. But I can get my plans in early so that I’ll have a choice of the best vacation times for me and my family”.

Through personalizing we determine what we are unable to do that if we could do it would resolve the issue.

Step 3: Identifying what we can do is not enough. We need an action plan to get results. In this action planning phase we focus on the four Ws (who, what, when, and where) to put together the action steps that we will take to resolve our “cow patty” issue. 

For example: “Tonight, when I get home, I’ll get the family together and we’ll talk about where we are going for vacation and what will work best for all of us..Tomorrow I’ll submit my vacation request”.

This three-step process is the normal problem process for us. The words we use tell us where we are in the process. The words we hear from someone else tells us where they are in the process.

What’s Victim behavior?

Victim behavior results when we get “stuck” in the ventilating stage of the process. We blame ourselves (internalizing) or we blame “they”, “them” , sources outside ourselves (externalizing). We are unable to move to problem solving (personalizing). Work doesn’t get done.

We can get stuck when the trauma is significant, we may not have co-workers that can help us. In fact we may have even lost our support group as a result of the reorganization.

One additional problem from victim behavior is the multiplication factor. Because ventilating raises the stress in those people who hear it, other people in the organization are less effective also. It is costly to the business and has a compound effect since the whole idea of reorganizing was to reduce costs and increase efficiencies.

What is the solution?

The solution has three parts.

First: Make sure you and others in your group understand the three-step process for dealing with “cow patties”. Emphasize that ventilating is a normal and natural part of the process. We just don’t want to get stuck in the victim behaviors.

Second: Use the Ableness question to help move from Ventilating to Personalizing. Ask yourself the Ableness question: What is it that I am unable to do, that if could do it, would resolve the issue? (You can change the "I" to "you" and use it with a colleague)

Third: Give and get the 4Ws. When you commit to an action plan make sure you think through the who, what, when and where of your action plan. Many times, as you go through this exercise you’ll find that you need to modify your action plan or make parts of it much more specific.

What’s the bottom line?

While the economic and competitive necessities of our times won’t prevent the trauma of “reorganizing”, the impact on the productivity of the organization and its people can be minimized.

Use these three steps to keep yourself from becoming a Hidden Victim.

Teach these Essential People Skills to others so that they can more efficiently handle change and getting stuck in victim behaviors.

In addition, after they learn the steps, the work group can handle the normal day-to-day business problems in a significantly more efficient and less stressful way. That efficiency translates to real, ongoing, positive contributions to the company’s bottom line.

What should I do now?

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